February 2011
17 posts
2 tags
Last Weekend
Martha: You know why I love being around you so much?
Me: Why?
Martha: You're like my own personal heater.
Me: Babe, you're so romantic.
January 2011
69 posts
1 tag
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Touring Campus
James points to a brick building.
James: What do you see there?
Me: A brick wall.
James: Right, but what do you see around it?
Me: A combination of brick walls?
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WatchYes!!!!!! though I was hoping Ricky would be part of the plot :(
God of Hypocrisy →
revolvingandevolving:
God seems to be kind of a hypocrite. Maybe god isn’t a white man in the clouds judging us. Maybe we’re all god(s). Maybe “god” is really “the affect we have on reality”. I’m not claiming to know. Although contemporary Quantum Physics does point in that general direction. I Believe in Science. I realize that science doesn’t know everything. I believe every option, idea and...
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First Day in Class
Professor sits down next to a student who hasn't laughed at any of his jokes. Sizes him up.
Professor: Look at this guy. He doesn't laugh at shit.
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WatchI don’t know why I’m doing this.
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Killing time
Dropped my sister off at usc. Now I’m killing time by watching season off the witch -__- figured self loathing is healthy once in awhile. Updates soon to come.
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Was I Dreaming?
I’m dreaming.
You’re here,
Hands down my throat.
For an hour, I analyze.
For a minute, I doubt.
For a second, I conclude.
And somewhere along the line, I disregard.
Wake up.
ceriandstimpy:
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Keyons
Emmy: Keyons, Keyonss
Keyon: What?
Emmy: Nevermind, I figured it out.
Joe: Why does she call you Keyons when your name is Keyon?
Keyon: Your little niece called me Keyons one day and it just stuck.
Joe: That's irresponsible.
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Tag yo shit yo
Me: yo
Me: what you up to
Howard: hey
Howard: crying
Me: btw you should put tags on your tumblr posts
Me: ...are you really crying?
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Pictured: Extent of my relatability/compassion
Friend: It feels really shitty when someone tells you crap like that. It's like your heart is being ripped out and torn to pieces. It's like you're lost and you don't know what to do with yourself.
Me: I know how you feel.
Friend: Yeah?
Me: Yeah man. I felt the same way when I found out the Olive Garden down the street closed.
Friend: Wow, you're an asshole.
Me: Obviously you haven't tried their breadsticks.
I love anti jokes :)
ahopefulheart:
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“To.”
“To who?”
“To whom.”
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“Dear cat hairs, go fuck yourselves. Its five in the goddamn morning. Please get...”
– Alex Soronoso
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So in 2012, when each time zone changes to 12/21,...
pwnator:
recycledphrases:
edwaaaard:
now that you are sharing this with tumblr, only the tumblr people will be alive.
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Tumblr
Jacob: Why?
Me: Cuz tumblr's awesome.
Jacob: Not convinced.
Me: It's like facebook creeping without the creepiness.
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Does it bother you?
Friend: Does -(my girlfriend)- ever... fart in front of you?
Me: Yeah.
Friend: Does it bother you?
Me: Sometimes, not really.
Friend: o.
Me: Does -(friend's gf)- fart in front of you?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: Does it bother you?
Friend: I told her it doesn't. But secretly, I hate it.
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Foxes and Philosophy
Mr. Fox: [sighs] Who am I, Kylie?
Kylie: Who how? What now?
Mr. Fox: Why a fox? Why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? Who am I? And how can a fox ever be happy without, you'll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?
Kylie: I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds illegal.